Boys and Rocks

The would be picture:  A small boy, dressed in a red and white stripped t-shirt and jeans, cloth diaper sticking out the back, sitting on the drive-way next to a rock pile, playing with the rocks.

The experience:

What is it with boys and rocks?  

We have a bunch of rocks at the bottom of our driveway - acting as fill to prevent water from building up there when it rains/snows.  A cheaper alternative to redoing the driveway I suppose.

Yesterday it rained, so there was a puddle at the bottom of our driveway,  next to the rock pile, where rocks had apparently been displaced leaving space for water to build up.  

My little man, as the weather has gotten nicer, has been really excited to explore outside every time we go out there.  Usually the idea is to get into the car to go somewhere, but I allow him 20 or so minutes to futz about if he wants it.  

Wouldn't you know, every time he find a rock, or two, or more.  He loves to pick them up, look at them, and throw them (of course.)  

Today, during this 20 minute interval before getting into the car, he sat down.  He sat down right next to the rock pile and started playing with the rocks.  It was adorable.  

I pictured it in my head as one of those quintessential photos, the red and white stripped shirt, the rocks, the sunlight hitting at just the right angle.  Then I stopped and thought about it - the picture would never come out like that.  

Lets be real, pictures just don't come out like that. You take shot after shot hoping to get the right lighting, and angle, and pose.  In reality - the great lighting and details come from a computer program that artificially produces them.  Unless you are at a photo shoot with fancy equipment and lighting tools and all that jazz, but then it wouldn't be that 'caught in the moment' precious picture I was thinking of.

I didn't even reach for my phone, at first I just watched.  Then I realized that this project should be more than just resisting the urge for the picture - but it should be a wake up call for me to get more involved in his life.  To not just watch him explore our world, but to help him do so.  

So I joined him, on the ground, next to the rock pile.  What it led to, was again, like with the swings, a precious, amazing moment that I will never forget.

Not long after I sat down, he got up and went to the grass, and starting picking up rocks there.  That gave me an idea.  That gaping hole at the bottom of our driveway needed to be filled.  Sure I could find someone who sells 'fill rocks' and buy some to put there, but there were rocks there before the winter, right?  So where did they go?

My little man provided the answer.  The rocks were all over the grass.  

How did they get there?  Most likely I put them there, unknowingly.  While shovelling snow throughout the winter, I'm sure I had rocks mixed in with my snow and I threw them over the the side - to what is now my lawn, since all the snow is gone.  

When looking closely, we found hundreds of rocks. They were everywhere.  These rocks aren't doing the grass any good, so why not pick them up and put them back where they belong.

For the next 1/2 hour we picked up rocks.  We piled them into our hands and deposited them into the hole at the bottom of the driveway.  

We killed two birds with one(lots of?) stone(s).  

We filled in the hole, and we cleaned the lawn to allow the grass more room to grow, and we had fun together. 

Its interested to reflect back upon this project I have undertaken.  After only 3 posts, I have already seen a change within myself.  I have already re-defined within me those moments which are picture worthy, and those that are not. 

I believe I have taken maybe 10 pictures since starting this blog.  I thought this would be a struggle, having turned to the camera so often in the past – but its not.  Its so much easier than I expected to concentrate on being in the moment, instead of capturing the moment on film. 

Perhaps that is why it has taken so long for me to find another moment to write about  - because I no longer think about taking pictures all the time. 

I have also learned how to accept a moment for what it is, and to enjoy it with my son.  This project, in its short life span so far, has made me a better mom.  It has made me want to participate in my son’s activities, and want to be more a part of his life, instead of a side-line observer. 

As the weather gets nicer we go outside more, we explore the woods, the lawn, the streets of this beautiful town we live in.  I’m sure the ease of this transition has something to do with the ability to not be cooped up in our house all the time, but I also believe it has to do with my personal desire to change the way I interact with my son. 

It makes me sad to think of all the opportunities that are being missed as our digitally sensed society falls further into idea of needing every moment on film.  How are our children being affected by this? 

We already know that children these days are exposed to more ‘screen’ time than ever before – hours upon hours of digital exposure – means less exposure to the outdoors, less exposure to books, less exposure to people.

I don’t want to judge, I try really hard not to judge – but I just don’t understand the parents who use the tv/computer/tablet to entertain their children daily.  My little guy has NO screen time a day.  We don’t have a TV, he doesn’t watch anything on my computer, we don’t own a tablet.  I know there’s a mentaility out there that ‘everyone else does it, it can’t be that bad’ but I just wonder what these kids are missing.  How are we affecting our kids future lives by not interacting with them.

I know first hand how frustrating a toddler can be to deal with – he drives me nuts every day.  I’m not perfect by any sense of the word.  I don’t think I’m necessarily a ‘better’ parent because of my reluctance to technology, but I do think I’m setting my son up for a better life.  Maybe that is redundant. 

I have my own struggles with my child, just as everyone does.  But in this one small project of thinking before I snap that thousandth picture, I have changed how I interact with my son – and I know its for the better.  I can’t help but wish I could spread this message, these ideas to other parents.  Not so I can be ‘right’ but so that kids can get more time with their parents.  So the kids can have those meaningful and deep moments with the people they admire the most.  Its all for the kids.

I got way off track there.  I know there are great parents out there who do document every little moment of their children's lifes, and still find time to play with them, and have fun with them.  I just think as a society we have to re-define how we use technology - and realize that one (or twenty) pictures of our children being cute is worth so much less than the precious moments we have to spend with them.  

The rocks this morning, made me take a step back, and realize that its okay to live on toddler time sometimes.  There was nothing pressing that said we had to go to the dump right away - it was just my plan.  Doesn't my son get to have a plan too?  Sometimes you have to follow their plan and see where it takes you.  

Tire Swing

The Would Be Picture:

 A small boy, dressed in grey sweat pants, a blue plaid jacket, and a blue bomber hat, face alight in laughter, gripping tightly to the chains of a simple tire swing.

The Experience:

For the fourth day in a row, we visited the playground nearby our house.  I almost didn't take him today, because a chill has re-awoken from the warm days we experienced not long ago.  He dabbled on the slide, scooped some sand into the dump truck in the sandbox and then headed for the tire swing.

We had tried the tire swing two days prior, but after just a few seconds he grew uninterested.  I was intrigued to see if this time would be different.  The minds and mannerisms of two year olds change on such a rapid basis, something they hate one day, they could love the next.

I placed his small frame on the swing, and told him to hold on tight with two hands.  I pushed gently, and as he began to swing and turn his darling little face lit up.  Then came one of my favorite sounds, his precious little laugh.  He loved it.  I pushed, and he spun for about a minute and then the moment came.

This is one of those times you reach for the camera.  His first real time on a tire swing, having the time of his life.  Instead I took a different route - and it changed my experience of the playground forever.

I stopped the swing and asked him if I could get on.  He replied with a resounding YES!  and then the real fun began.

The swing was held up by three chains, and while we were on an elementary school playground, I figured it was safe to assume that if three elementary school students could sit safely on this swing, than my son and I together should also be fine.

I climbed into the middle of the tire, and sat down, and my son almost flew into the air.  He's two, I'm obviously much bigger than him, and I therefore needed to devise a way to balance out the weight, or the combination of his sweat pants and the smooth texture of the fake tire swing, would have him ending up in my lap.

So I raised one leg and stuck it across the swing into the empty third space.  While not completely off-setting the weight difference, at least now the swing was level.

I began to move us back and forth with my other foot, which conveniently just reached the ground in the middle of the swing.  His face lit up again and the laughter returned.

Growing up myself, I had a mother who would spontaneously break out into song.  We used to always say that you could throw any word at her and she would know a song about it.  I am becoming my mother.  As we sat there swinging, I had the urge to sing, and so I made up a song of my own.  (Thinking back on it, I'm wondering if my mother would do the same thing....)

Here is my song:(to the tune of Sailing, Sailing)

Swinging, Swinging
On the tire swing
When days are hot
When days are cold
On the tire swing
Forward, Backward
Round and round we go
Isn't it fun to be here
Swinging with me?

I sang it once, and as soon as I was done, my little man said 'again'.  And so I sang it again, and again, and again.  Occasionally some of the words would change, other verses got thrown in or repeated more often than others.

As I sang I kept us moving.  We would swing back and forth, and sometimes, with the help of gravity, the swinging would cause an upset in the delicate weight balance I had created and he would almost slip off.  He thought it was awesome.  His squeals of laughter made it all worth it.  My foot not acting as a weight balance, was perfectly positioned to swing us back and forth, and to spin us round and round and round.

The spinning was by far his favorite part.  I could see the concentration on his face as he held on to the chains just a little bit tighter to keep himself from flying off the swing.  Occasionally I would lift my foot off the ground completely and our spinning would continue.

The feeling of spinning freely, coupled with the gleeful laughter of my boy, made me feel like a child again myself.

For the first time in a long time I was really enjoying the act of playing with my son.  As parents, we all will make sacrifices for our children.  Whether its playing tea party for the umpteenth time, or holding up a ball so they can whack at it (and you) with a baseball bat.  I play with my son a lot, sometimes I flat out dislike it, sometimes its tolerable, and sometimes its fun.

But on that tire swing, it was amazing.  I felt so alive, and so thankful to be sharing this moment with my little man.  I felt like I had turned a corner and there was no going back, I feel like, by taking that chance to be part of my sons life, instead of capturing it for others to 'par-take' in, I found a source of true enjoyment.

I am learning how to enjoy playing with my little boy, and for that gift I will be forever grateful.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words - but I'm beginning to disagree.  I think a moment is worth a thousand words - if you choose to participate in it.  If you choose to just be a bystander, capturing that moment on film, then all you have taken away is a picture.  If you jump into the moment and become part of it, then you have not only an experience, but a memory, which is much more powerful, and personal than a picture.



~Mom of Moments

The Beginning

The Dilemma:

In a digitally-logged society - children today are growing up as never before.  

The moments that are captured on film, either video or camera, are becoming more and more.

Its understandable - with so much access to technology, and cameras built into phones, the opportunity to capture your little one's precious moments is only on the rise.

I am just as guilty as any other parent today of pulling out the camera (or phone) and snapping picture after picture to capture all of these wonderful moments my son is having.

The Idea:

A few months back, something sparked within me and I wondered what life might be like if I didn't reach for the camera every time he did something cute, funny, stupid, laughable or otherwise picture worthy in my head.

I began to think about the culture of pictures today and how it has changed as our access to technology has flourished.  Today we have so many more pictures of our children than ever before, and it got me wondering what I might be missing.

If every time my son does something I find picture-worthy, I reach for my camera/phone to capture the moment, how many moments am I missing?  Not only in the time it takes to find the camera, but also in hiding behind the lens, in coaching my little boy to repeat whatever mannerism I wanted to catch for the simply act of having a lasting record of it.

I'm not saying that all pictures are bad.  Having some memento of his childhood years, especially these years he won't remember, will be valuable to him someday.  But where is the line between the pictures that are valuable to him, and the social-media driven need of mine to capture EVERY moment?

While I have been thinking about this idea for months – what sparked my decision to start this project was my adventure yesterday with my son.  He is two years old.  I took him on his first hike in the woods – and being that it was his first – of course I took out my phone from time to time to snap lasting memories of those moments.

After about 5 pictures – he was done.  He would swat at the phone and tell me no more.  He is two.  But I wanted to capture the moment – so I persisted.  And so did he. He continued to refuse my requests for pictures – as he usually does when we are having fun.  It wasn’t until the end of our hike that I realized what I was doing.

Here was my young son, trying to enjoy the woods with me, and I was introducing technology into the picture.  Me, a self-proclaimed environmentalist who is firmly of the belief that children get too much exposure to technology, and not enough time outside just being kids today.  I was forcing this technology upon my son, who just wanted to be outside and explore with me.

What really drove the point home was near the end of the walk.  My little two year old boy found an interesting dead tree.  He examined it, and pointed to it and said something.  I asked him to repeat himself – confused by what he had said.  He said it again – ‘cheese’.  After thinking for a moment I realized that he was asking me to take his picture with the dead tree.  In a short 1 hour walk – I had influenced my son so much with my own actions, that he now thought that whenever he found something interesting it required a picture.

What have I done?

Social Media Influence:

I am just as guilty as any other parent of not only capturing every moment on film, but then sharing it on social media.  As if the rest of the world would suffer if they were not exposed to the adorable life my toddler leads.

In thinking about it, I have come to realize - that overall - no one cares.  Of course I think my son is the cutest, most adorable living, breathing creature on Earth.  Of course my family likes to know what we are up to, from time to time – but not every day.  Even my family and close friends, who may actually be interested in these pictures, have lives of their own that DON’T revolve around my son, and in a sense I am only adding to the over-whelming social media addiction by providing them.

But where does my need to prove this to the rest of the world, who really doesn't care, come from?

Our social media driven society provides verification to me when I post these photos online.  By 'liking' a photo I have posted, it subconsciously tells me that people care.  It tells me that I have made someone smile by posting yet another picture of my adorable child.  

However, if I hadn't posted this picture, or even taken this picture - would it in any way effect the lives of those same people?  No.  

Conclusion:

So the conclusion I have come to - is that through my own self-driven need to gain verification of my son's life through social media - I have been driven to hide behind my camera at every chance, I have coached my son to repeat actions, not for his own good, but for my ability to capture the moment, and I have missed spending those precious moments with him.

So my journey to change begins.

This blog is about those moments when my brain tells me to reach for the camera, and my struggle to reject that idea, and instead relish in the moment with my son.  

This is my journey to spend more time interacting with my boy, and less time capturing his life for the rest of the world to see.

My Goal:

The goal is simple.  

Enjoy the moments as they happen, and let them be as they are.  

Resist the urge to capture every 'picture-worthy' moment on camera.

Redefine what moments are actually 'picture-worthy'.

Reflect on those moments I successfully resisted documenting through film - and instead compose 1000 words to capture the moment on this blog.  

They say a picture is worth 1000 words - here is my effort to uphold this old saying.  How much more can I enjoy my journey of raising my son by experiencing these moments, and reflecting on them later, instead of documenting them to be stored in a file on a computer for years to come.

In writing this first post – I’ve come to realize how big 1000 words actually is.  I think I have taken on a real challenge here – challenging myself to dig deeper into a precious moment with my son – instead of allowing a picture to tell the story for me. 

~Mom of Moments