Boys and Rocks

The would be picture:  A small boy, dressed in a red and white stripped t-shirt and jeans, cloth diaper sticking out the back, sitting on the drive-way next to a rock pile, playing with the rocks.

The experience:

What is it with boys and rocks?  

We have a bunch of rocks at the bottom of our driveway - acting as fill to prevent water from building up there when it rains/snows.  A cheaper alternative to redoing the driveway I suppose.

Yesterday it rained, so there was a puddle at the bottom of our driveway,  next to the rock pile, where rocks had apparently been displaced leaving space for water to build up.  

My little man, as the weather has gotten nicer, has been really excited to explore outside every time we go out there.  Usually the idea is to get into the car to go somewhere, but I allow him 20 or so minutes to futz about if he wants it.  

Wouldn't you know, every time he find a rock, or two, or more.  He loves to pick them up, look at them, and throw them (of course.)  

Today, during this 20 minute interval before getting into the car, he sat down.  He sat down right next to the rock pile and started playing with the rocks.  It was adorable.  

I pictured it in my head as one of those quintessential photos, the red and white stripped shirt, the rocks, the sunlight hitting at just the right angle.  Then I stopped and thought about it - the picture would never come out like that.  

Lets be real, pictures just don't come out like that. You take shot after shot hoping to get the right lighting, and angle, and pose.  In reality - the great lighting and details come from a computer program that artificially produces them.  Unless you are at a photo shoot with fancy equipment and lighting tools and all that jazz, but then it wouldn't be that 'caught in the moment' precious picture I was thinking of.

I didn't even reach for my phone, at first I just watched.  Then I realized that this project should be more than just resisting the urge for the picture - but it should be a wake up call for me to get more involved in his life.  To not just watch him explore our world, but to help him do so.  

So I joined him, on the ground, next to the rock pile.  What it led to, was again, like with the swings, a precious, amazing moment that I will never forget.

Not long after I sat down, he got up and went to the grass, and starting picking up rocks there.  That gave me an idea.  That gaping hole at the bottom of our driveway needed to be filled.  Sure I could find someone who sells 'fill rocks' and buy some to put there, but there were rocks there before the winter, right?  So where did they go?

My little man provided the answer.  The rocks were all over the grass.  

How did they get there?  Most likely I put them there, unknowingly.  While shovelling snow throughout the winter, I'm sure I had rocks mixed in with my snow and I threw them over the the side - to what is now my lawn, since all the snow is gone.  

When looking closely, we found hundreds of rocks. They were everywhere.  These rocks aren't doing the grass any good, so why not pick them up and put them back where they belong.

For the next 1/2 hour we picked up rocks.  We piled them into our hands and deposited them into the hole at the bottom of the driveway.  

We killed two birds with one(lots of?) stone(s).  

We filled in the hole, and we cleaned the lawn to allow the grass more room to grow, and we had fun together. 

Its interested to reflect back upon this project I have undertaken.  After only 3 posts, I have already seen a change within myself.  I have already re-defined within me those moments which are picture worthy, and those that are not. 

I believe I have taken maybe 10 pictures since starting this blog.  I thought this would be a struggle, having turned to the camera so often in the past – but its not.  Its so much easier than I expected to concentrate on being in the moment, instead of capturing the moment on film. 

Perhaps that is why it has taken so long for me to find another moment to write about  - because I no longer think about taking pictures all the time. 

I have also learned how to accept a moment for what it is, and to enjoy it with my son.  This project, in its short life span so far, has made me a better mom.  It has made me want to participate in my son’s activities, and want to be more a part of his life, instead of a side-line observer. 

As the weather gets nicer we go outside more, we explore the woods, the lawn, the streets of this beautiful town we live in.  I’m sure the ease of this transition has something to do with the ability to not be cooped up in our house all the time, but I also believe it has to do with my personal desire to change the way I interact with my son. 

It makes me sad to think of all the opportunities that are being missed as our digitally sensed society falls further into idea of needing every moment on film.  How are our children being affected by this? 

We already know that children these days are exposed to more ‘screen’ time than ever before – hours upon hours of digital exposure – means less exposure to the outdoors, less exposure to books, less exposure to people.

I don’t want to judge, I try really hard not to judge – but I just don’t understand the parents who use the tv/computer/tablet to entertain their children daily.  My little guy has NO screen time a day.  We don’t have a TV, he doesn’t watch anything on my computer, we don’t own a tablet.  I know there’s a mentaility out there that ‘everyone else does it, it can’t be that bad’ but I just wonder what these kids are missing.  How are we affecting our kids future lives by not interacting with them.

I know first hand how frustrating a toddler can be to deal with – he drives me nuts every day.  I’m not perfect by any sense of the word.  I don’t think I’m necessarily a ‘better’ parent because of my reluctance to technology, but I do think I’m setting my son up for a better life.  Maybe that is redundant. 

I have my own struggles with my child, just as everyone does.  But in this one small project of thinking before I snap that thousandth picture, I have changed how I interact with my son – and I know its for the better.  I can’t help but wish I could spread this message, these ideas to other parents.  Not so I can be ‘right’ but so that kids can get more time with their parents.  So the kids can have those meaningful and deep moments with the people they admire the most.  Its all for the kids.

I got way off track there.  I know there are great parents out there who do document every little moment of their children's lifes, and still find time to play with them, and have fun with them.  I just think as a society we have to re-define how we use technology - and realize that one (or twenty) pictures of our children being cute is worth so much less than the precious moments we have to spend with them.  

The rocks this morning, made me take a step back, and realize that its okay to live on toddler time sometimes.  There was nothing pressing that said we had to go to the dump right away - it was just my plan.  Doesn't my son get to have a plan too?  Sometimes you have to follow their plan and see where it takes you.